When I glance out my window I see a gray sky from the rain. I see the twilight embracing the thin branches of the tall trees. And I feel sad. I tell myself that it's because the sky is weeping, but it's in fact the tears inside my mind. 


Such selfishness, to cry for your own situation, for the things that happen to yourself. I'm guessing all you do is make your own life miserable! Your own fault that you let those faulty tears flow! It's not the rain, it's not the oncoming darkness, it's your own poisoned mind.


And this I tell to myself, as a reminder to dry those poison tears, and replace them with more colour and more life. Because every one of those tears adds a drop of stone to your heart. Every tear takes away a piece of the love you can give and replaces it with poisoned hate.


Sounds cruel, I know... but it's reality. Crying about everything is easier than making an effort for your joy. Crying doesn't feel like a hard thing to do. Well, that's exactly why it's no good! Everything worthy in life is earned. and you earn things by making an effort.


And no, there's no cheating :P 


Making an effort to be happy is hard, so hard. I remember falling back into that dark pit over and over again. I remember how it felt to feel my nails getting ripped off because I tried climbing out of that hole. I remember the pain, the suffering; everytime I fell back my heart felt shattered again and again and again. But it's always worth it! Life is always worth it even though it never seems like it. And you always have to go through the worst to be able to appreciate it fully. 


I've gone through being abused, to being rejected, to being the suicidal girl nobody understood. And I know that the worst probably isn't over yet, there is more to come. But I try to hold my chin up high and I choose to believe in a happy ending. I choose to believe there is such thing as a wonderful and beautiful world; somewhere out there... there must be.