Zero self-control

Sometimes it's just too much. Sometimes I have no more control over my temper and I lash out without warning.
Just now was one of those moments. My sister accused me of something I didn't do, and I lost it making her cry.
I've been stressed for months now, and my temper is already very vulcanic, uncontrollable, so imagine how stress amplified that. And now I'm even more upset about the fact that I made her cry... again.

I'm such an imbecile! I hate making her cry, I hate treating her badly, I hate being a bitch to her. But everytime again, everyday, every hour I'm around her I do it, and I can't control it. No self-control whatsoever.
Makes me ask myself, how much longer until I kill someone! Perhaps just to kill myself now, so I can prevent it.

I don't know... I don't know anything anymore. I don't understand myself! One minute I'm smiling, I'm alright, the next I sink down into darkness and can see only negatives. Being bipolar is annoying as hell!
The selfish thing is that I have to implicate other people into my moods and either go hyper on them until they kick me out of the room either yell at them and then run out of the room myself, hurting their feelings like nobody ever should.

Ugh, life! I beg of you to stop trying so hard for I'm unworthy of your gift!
Protect the others from me, please...